Going to a Catholic School, But Not Being Religious

Happy Easter everyone!! Hope you’re all having a nice and safe holiday!! Easter at my school, a Catholic school, means having a long weekend Easter break. I am 102% not Catholic. Since my family is from Scotland, we identify more with the Presbertyrian religion which is dominant in the UK, and my dad is just completely atheist. Because of my upbringing, I honestly have never really felt connected to a religion, and I don’t really know what I believe. I’ve realized this is a stark contrast to my peers. I grew up in a town that was also predominantly Catholic, and now I go to a Catholic school. So you may wonder, how does it feel going to a Catholic when you’re really not religious at all?

The thing I admire about Manhattan is that even though it is a Catholic school, Catholicism was never really forced upon anyone. You do have to take religion classes, but there is a wide variety of interesting classes you can take of many different religions. The religious classes at Manhattan are meant to make you think and learn more about the world, which I really feel like I have learned a lot about. I never really dreaded the religion classes because I felt like they actually were worthwhile of my time.

The second thing I admire is Manhattan is a Lasallian Catholic school. The term “Lasallian” encompases the aspects of giving back to the community and accepting everyone for who they are. Because of this, we have some really great service organizations and retreats at Manhattan.I honestly think that this is what religion should be. It should be about connecting with your higher power and using it for the good of the world around you, not instilling fear. 

So overall, I am glad I came to Manhattan and got the education that I received, Catholic or not. It really opened up my eyes and gave me a new perspective on the world. 

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Best Hangover Cures

So unfortunately, I have realized lately that the way I process alcohol is not what it used to be. I’m 22 years old and getting old, RIP!!!! I am currently sitting here this morning and my stomach just isn’t feeling fantastic after having a little too much wine last night. It also has started to affect my sleep and makes me hot at night. I find myself googling what the best hangover cures are. We all have our bad nights as well, no matter how old you are, so I think it’s pretty useful to know what the best hangover cures are:

  1. Pedialyte: My friend told me about this one and it’s probably honestly the best one I’ve found!! It’s a children’s stomach remedy that’s also made for dehydration. I highly recommend!!
  2. Pasta or Crackers: Your body probably does want you to eat, but you most likely can’t stomach the thought of anything. Therefore, the best food to eat is some plain carbs like pasta or crackers, so that you can get energy but not feel worse.
  3. Sleep and Water: Pretty self explanatory, but it heals all wounds.
  4. Pickle Juice: Yup you read it right….it sounds nasty, and I’ve never tried it, but apparently it scientifically works because of the electrolytes it contains.
  5. Things You DON’T Do: Drink more, eat greasy foods, drink too much coffee. None of this will end well. 

Hi so a little life update from last week’s post; I think I am going to stop dating and be deleting my dating apps for a little bit, possibly until graduation. I’ve realized casual dating is not what it used to be for me anymore. It used to be fun and empowering, but now I’ve realized that I am using it for validation and to avoid my problems. If anything, it’s making me more anxious and insecure about myself than ever, and I think I owe it to myself and others not to do that anymore. This is just a very stressful time in my life and for my mental health, and I really don’t think it’s doing me any favors. 

I’m Terrified of Commitment: Here’s Why

I don’t know why, but lately I’ve definitely been more emotional and treating this blog more like a diary. Maybe it’s because I’m just at a really emotional and high stress time in my life, with graduation and everything. But in one of my posts a few weeks ago, I talked about how I’ve noticed that I go on a lot of dates when I’m stressed or insecure. And lately, I have been doing that a lot. I find myself on Tinder or Hinge at least once a day, and I’m typically going out with someone at least once a week. And honestly, I have been meeting some really great guys. People say to me “You go on so many dates, you must like at least ONE of them.”  I’m not saying I don’t like a lot of the guys I go out with, but when I go on multiple dates with one person, I start to get nervous and confused about where things are going, or whether I even want them to go anywhere. The reality is, I’m terrified to commit.

I think one of my main reasons I struggle to commit is because of my passion for my personal success and internal feminist views. In my last relationship, I felt like I was stuck in the middle. I felt like I was going to be forced to choose between going after my career and dreams and going after him. In the end, this was the main reason I ended this relationship. I know in this situation I was definitely correct; it was a long distance relationship, and in the end I was going to have to choose, and my ex and I were not on the same page about career prospects after. I am scared of that happening again. Right now, I have a huge amount of uncertainty in my life. I don’t know where I’m going to be in six months. I could be in New York, I could be in Massachusetts, or I could be in a completely different city miles away. It’s just really going to depend on what happens. Since I have no clue what’s going to happen with my career, I am really hesitant to jump into any commitments right now, as I am nervous about having to make a big choice. I feel like it’s not fair to myself or the other person. I know that if I am single, I won’t have to make that choice.

The second biggest reason I struggle with commitment is the emotional issues I encounter with vaginismus/vulvodynia. A lot of men don’t want to go out with me after they hear about my condition. They don’t want to deal with it because it’s very difficult and would not be an average relationship. And yeah, it really hurts my feelings. I hesitate whenever something gets too serious for me because I can’t stand the idea of trusting someone and leaving because they can’t deal with my condition. It’s scary for me. So whenever someone gets too physical or too serious, I have a tendency to pull away.

I will admit though, sometimes commitment does sound nice. It sounds nice to have someone that’s all about you and will always be there for you, but then I get scared and feel like it’s too much work. This past week though, I have come to realize it might be a bit of a problem that I need to address. Again, I keep going on dates for the validation. The validation that I am liked and wanted, both sexually and for good company. So will I commit in the near future?? Honestly I’m not so sure. I think that in the grand scheme of things, I am just scared of getting hurt, emotionally in more than one way. And as if I’m not confused enough about myself and what I want….men themselves are so confusing!!! I can never read them. I can never tell what they want and what they’re looking for. (They’ll literally seem so interested and then drop off the face of the earth!! Like what??) Sometimes I feel like maybe I should get off the dating apps for a little bit, so that I confuse myself and stress myself out less. Thoughts??

Eating With A Stomach Issue: What Helps Me

As you may or may not know, I have a stomach problem that really can affect how I eat and process foods. As a result, it really affects how I eat. One of the biggest side effects is rapid weight loss. For many years, I have frustratingly been losing weight at random and it can get kinda scary. Sometimes I will be fine, and then other times I will have a random relapse. I also have an allergy to shellfish. Another weird/strange thing about it is I actually lack the physical enzymes to taste things that other people can. Some foods just do not taste the same to me as other people. Spicy foods are a big one, my tolerance level of spice is FAR below what most people are, and I really avoid them all together. Food can just sometimes be a difficult concept for me. It’s really tough for me to get all of the nutrients that I fundamentally lack, especially because I only like certain foods. I also get full really quickly, and it’s hard for me to finish a whole meal. Sometimes, I have to admit, eating with friends or others is difficult, because I think it’s hard for people to understand why I just can’t eat “adventurous” foods like they can. 

Another big thing is that being vegetarian or vegan is really out of the question for me. With so many of my friends being vegetarian or vegan, I often get self-conscious and ashamed that I can’t do the same things. However, things like chicken simply are one of my key sources of protein. I really can’t eat most fish so it’s difficult for me to get protein in other ways, especially because I can’t eat most fish. In fact, my doctor even said to me that it would be “not safe at all” for me. What people don’t realize is, while being vegetarian/vegan is a lot healthier for some people, it would be the exact opposite for me.

One of the things that has really helped me is a food diary. I use My Fitness Pal!! Apps like these allow you to set personal goals with eating and fitness. Therefore, I can make sure that I am eating the correct amount of calories, sugar, and protein in a day. I also have started seeing a nutritionist online, and this has also helped me. I also have been taking vitamins and supplements. Since my body doesn’t produce a lot of important ones in general, I needed to find another way to be getting them. Honestly, my mood has improved a lot since taking them! Additionally, I began doing weight training. Weight training has been good for me because it helps build muscle. Before, I was strictly running and doing cardio, which was only making me lose weight. 

It’s taking small steps, but it’s big improvement. It’s so important to remember that everyone has a different body and different needs, so you just never know!

Can You Like Rough Sex and Still Be A Feminist?

So last weekend, a guy I’ve been hooking up with and I were having a conversation about what we like during sex. We both said we liked dominance. But then, he told me he was surprised I liked that because of how openly feminist I am. And I think people get confused about this a lot, so it asks the question; as a women, can you like rough sex and be a feminist?

Rough sex is often seen as degarding, and the of what a femnist might want. However, the psychology behind why women like dominance and rough sex is actually the opposite of what you probably think it is. Rough sex and dominance is all about consent. In reality, the person that participates in this kind of sex is typically very strong minded and has the power to control what’s happening during sex. You draw the boundaries. It can overall be very empowering to a lot of women. 

Additionally, feminism is all about equality and equality of choice. You have a right to like and ask for whatever you want during sex. That’s what the great part about it is. As a feminist, sex can and should be whatever you want it to be. It’s amazing that we are finally getting to a point in society where women can talk about what they want sexually, and that there are outlets like erotic books and pop culture that support all types of women’s sexual desires. You do you and don’t let anyone tell you what’s right or what’s wrong!

What Casual Dating Has Taught Me About Myself

For the past few years, I have made a conscious effort to only date casually, mostly so that I can focus on school and my future career, but also to explore and have a little bit of fun. People always ask me about my hookup adventures and dating life; how they make me feel, ect. Well to be honest, I have learned a lot about myself through dating multiple people, and not committing. It really has taught me a lot of lessons.

I think one of the biggest things casual dating has taught me honestly is communication and conversation skills. When I go on a date with someone new, it involves a lot of asking questions, introducing myself, and more. It really has pushed me out of my comfort zone. Now, I really don’t get that nervous when I go on dates or even just meet somebody new in general, because I’ve had so much practice in these situations. Another thing I like is I really feel like I’ve been able to establish control in my life and make choices, like who I’m going out with, how long I can keep seeing them for, and if they’re worth my time. I think it’s important that I embody modern day feminism and women’s equality to the best of my ability, and I really think casual dating has taught me that I do have that self-power, to decide what I like and don’t like. I also think I’ve dated a lot of really interesting people, and it has made for some funny stories that I get to share and look back on. I honestly do highly recommend casual dating for anyone that wants to try it.

But lately, I have noticed that sometimes, I may be casual dating for the wrong reason. I don’t know if anyone has gotten the vibe, but I am secretly/not so secretly a lonely person. I have never felt 100% confident in the people around me; friends or family, and I think it will honestly be REALLY hard for me to ever put my full trust in someone. I have a lot of insecurities when it comes to friends, and I know that’s a flaw of mine. I’ve noticed that I have a tendency to go out on more dates or more hookups when I’m feeling particularly insecure about how my life is going or my friends. I often just feel like I need to get things out of my head and this is a good distraction. But then occasionally, I’ll meet someone I actually thought I liked and had a connection with, but it doesn’t work out and I get a little upset. But then I’m not sure what I’m upset about. The more I think about it, I guess I’m upset about losing a connection. Having a sex disorder doesn’t help either. I feel like sometimes, I’m looking for validation with that. So with the things I have going on in my life and what I’ve been through, I really think in the end I’m looking for somebody who values me; friend or relationship wise. It’s simple, but true; sometimes I just need a friend. 

Why I’ll Be Using Social Media Less After College

Social media really does drive our society. It’s everywhere, and it’s especially important to Gen Z. It seems like every few years, a new social media platform comes out that dominates young people’s culture. First it was Facebook, then Instagram and Snapchat, and now Tik Tok. But lately, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I’m honestly not sure if I’m going to continue to use social media after college, or at least in the way I’m using it now.

I know you’ve probably heard it before, but social media can be very toxic towards one’s mental health. I don’t think I fully realized that though until I got to college. Freshman year, social media I think was the driving force of what caused a lot of my anxiety. I would see people going out and looking perfect, looking like they were having so much fun, and I would get jealous and sad that it wasn’t me. I think that FOMO was the biggest downfall of social media for me, personally. There is this false reality that everyone on social media is so perfect and has an amazing life.

But to be honest, I think an even bigger turnoff for me has been in the past year where I have really seen how social media affects others around me. A lot of my friends are way more into social media than me. Many of them are very into getting the “perfect” pictures and perfect engagement. Now if that’s your thing and you’re passionate about making it big on social media, I think that’s great, even if it’s not my thing! You do you! But what I don’t like is when it becomes a competition. I don’t like when people are constantly comparing themselves to others and putting themselves down, or when people try to indirectly offend others on social media. When that is what social media becomes is when I think it’s problematic. I just think I have unfortunately seen a lot of hate and jealousy on social media from people that I know, and it’s bringing them down, even if they themselves don’t realize it. I often just think about their lives, and all of our lives might be different if we all just relaxed and didn’t analyze what was going on with social media so much. 

Social media can be a great thing, no doubt. I just really think that I have unfortunately seen the wrong side of it and it has made me want to turn away from it. I don’t think I’ll completely get rid of it, just so that I can keep in touch with people and build my professional profile, use it for it’s advantages. But I definitely don’t think I’ll be using it to the volume that I have in high school and college. I think it’s time for me to move on in the world post graduation, and not be so caught up in something that half the time isn’t even real.

I Quit Two Internships in Two Weeks….Why and What I Learned

Yup…you read the title right. I quit two internships within two weeks. Back in October, I accepted a winter/spring six month internship position at a PR agency. By late December-early January, I was already starting to feel like this internship wasn’t for me. I was doing a lot of PR “backbone” work. A lot of tedious, annoying, office work that I really was not enjoying. Yes, I know I’m an intern and I should expect some of that, but I also was very suspicious about the company culture. These people seemed to always be working into the long hours of the night. They seemed like they were constantly stressed and unhappy. After a while, I myself was constantly stressed. The work was EXTREMELY fast paced and I always felt like my work wasn’t fast enough or wasn’t good enough. I would typically cry once a week. 

Then one day, that was it. I called my mom crying and told her I couldn’t do it anymore. The work was not satisfying at all and it was too stressful for me. I had started looking for other opportunities and by January I had gotten a few interviews and offers. One was at a lifestyle/fashion agency. The other one was at an arts magazine. The thing is, the fashion agency told me in the interview that they were looking to hire somebody full time in the near future. Now me being me and being a second semester senior, I heard the word “job.”  I didn’t read into the job description too much and said yes. I told the other agency that I would be leaving and said no to the magazine. 

The next week, I started at the fashion agency. By the end of week one, I was already crying, because guess what? I was doing the exact same work that I did at the other agency, but the company culture was even worse. It was the first week and I already felt like the people were a bit condescending, and that this was going to be highly stressful with school. I was so upset. I wanted to like this internship so badly. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t keep going on with this all semester, nevermind get a full time job with it. It was really going to screw with my mental health and my schoolwork. So after talking to my advisor and career counselor, I made the decision that I needed to quit. 

If you know me, you know I hate quitting things, because I’m a pretty dedicated person.  But sometimes, you have to do what’s best for you.. Everyone says “your first job won’t be the best” and  “a job is a job”, but after these experiences, I really don’t know how much I agree with that. How can someone keep doing a job that makes them absolutely miserable? (Obviously, I  know that everyone does have different circumstances so I can’t speak for every situation). In my case though, I flat-out made the wrong choice. I should’ve interned with the magazine, because I know for a fact it would’ve made me so much happier, because that’s what I always liked to do; write. I did not listen to my “gut feeling” and it really backfired. 

I honestly have been really upset with how it all had to go down over the past week and have not been in a great mood. I keep thinking to myself; “What’s wrong with me? Other people I know love agency PR, it must be my fault.” And I think in a way, it is me. I am just not cut out for agency work. I’m a sensitive person, and I cannot handle that high intensity and stress every single day. I also don’t want to feel like I am doing office work constantly and that’s what it felt like to me. But now, I feel as though I’m at a bit of a crossroads. The thing is, agency jobs are the easiest to obtain in the media (because they are rough), and I was taking them because of that. The other jobs, the stuff I really like (editorial/writing stuff) are so much more competitive. So I find myself now asking myself what I really want to do. The problem is, I just don’t want one of these jobs that everyone else has. I like to be in front of people. I like to be creative. So I feel stuck because now I am a few months away from graduation, and I really don’t know where to go from here. But honestly, if there’s anything I learned, it’s that I’m SO GLAD I found this out now instead of applying to jobs in the future in the agency setting and finding out then how much I hate it. Even though it’s been really hard, I guess that’s what college and internships in general are all about; finding what you like and what you don’t like. I know that something good will happen for me eventually, I just need to keep on looking.

Hii all!!! I just wanted to say thank you so much to everyone who read my post last week!! It became the most viewed post in my entire blog and now I am reaching new levels in my audience!! I got a lot of positive feedback from people too saying it was very empowering and I’m so happy people liked it!! Also happy Valentine’s/Galentine’s Day to everyone!!



I Kicked a Guy Out of my Place During a Date….Here’s Why

With dating/hooking apps, everytime you choose to go out with or hook up with someone, you are really taking a chance. You never know if that person is going to be great, or awful. I have had a mix of both during my past two years on dating apps. I know I have said I’ve had the “worst” before, but trust me when I say I think the experience I had this week takes the cake.

It was a last minute decision. I had been talking to this guy on Tinder for a few days and he lived only a couple miles away. He was good looking and he played soccer in Germany where he went to school, it seemed like it would be a win. So I invited him over to hookup. 

This guy was absolutely terrible in bed!! First of all, he offered no foreplay. I had to tell him to do that. Then, when he went in, he wasn’t even in when he thought he was even though I told him like three times (trust me when you got vulvodynia you know). He also lasted a grand total of two minutes. TWO MINUTES!!! After that, he told me he was going to give me oral and he didn’t. He just got up and started getting dressed. 

So I asked him; “Why did you lie to me? Why did you say you were going to give me oral and you didn’t?” He said “Sorry I’m tired. Next time.” Then I told him there would be no next time. I told him that he was being selfish. Hookups and sex are supposed to be a two way street and I didn’t appreciate it, and I told him to leave. Yup, kicked him out. But I had to do it and I’m glad. Somebody had to tell him that he cannot go to other girls giving them this terrible and satisfying experience. Also I’m just sick of it, I’m sick of men being selfish during sex. I feel like as women, we’re taught to deal with it and not speak up for ourselves. Even sometimes I’m nervous to say something. But we shouldn’t feel that way, we should always feel like we can ask for a good experience and tell someone when they’re being selfish. I’m happy that I did what I did and taught him a lesson and told him he wasn’t good. Because in the end, we as women have value and sex, hookup or relationship, and don’t let anybody tell you otherwise. 

What to do When Your Friends Don’t Get Along

I recently started my last semester of college, and it’s safe to say I’m pretty stressed. I have to do my 25 page senior thesis, apply to well over hundreds of jobs, and there’s still a pandemic. Now there’s also the issue of some of my friends not getting along. A couple of months ago, two of my close friends at school had a falling out. It wasn’t just a little falling out either. It was made very clear to me by the both of them that they hadn’t exactly loved each other for a long time and were only being friendly to each other because of me, and they didn’t really want to do that anymore. 

Things then got awkward. A few of my other friends really don’t know how to feel because they didn’t really know what happened and didn’t want to get in the middle of it. However, it has been difficult for me especially because they are both my friends from at least sophomore year of school. I don’t want to lose either of them. I love them both in different ways. They are very different from each other, and that’s probably why they never really clicked. Sometimes I wish I had realized that earlier. I think it would’ve been a different situation if I hadn’t pushed everyone to be friends and to be together so much, maybe it wouldn’t have blown up the way it did. I’m a person that likes when everyone gets along, but I have had to realize there’s just going to be times where that isn’t going to happen. But there’s nothing I can do about that now. This also isn’t the only time this has happened to me. At home, a couple of my friends had a big falling out as well awhile back and I am in the same situation. Being in the middle is not fun, but it’s a common reality for I think a lot of people. 

So what exactly do you do when you have friends that don’t get along? Well there really isn’t a concrete answer, unfortunately. A big thing for me has been telling the both of them “Hey, I’m sorry you don’t like this person, but they are still my friend. You don’t have to like them but please respect my decisions.” Spending equal time with them is important too. By spending time with them separately it shows that you still appreciate and value them. They need to hopefully respect you in that way as well. I guess the hardest part has been smaller group gatherings, like a movie night or a trip to the city, when I have to pick who I want to be with. I never want anybody to feel left out, but I also don’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable. But I think a big thing I’ve realized is you cannot force people to get along, or change people’s opinions. If they don’t want to go somewhere or do something, that will ultimately be their decision in the end. 

Again, I do wish things had gone differently. It’s disappointing because it’s our last semester and I wish people could have gotten along for just a few more months. But this isn’t the first time this has happened and I know it won’t be the last. I just hope they know I’ll always love them and be their friends.